Exemplary Work by Constance Goh

The Break-In

It was a blistering hot Friday afternoon and some fluffy white clouds were seen floating across the clear blue sky. I yearned to go home to take a nice cool bath to refresh myself after an exhausting and long day at school. I quickened my steps when I saw the lift door opened and hopped into the lift. After pressing the button for the ninth floor, I closed my eyes and started to think of my cool bath when the lift door opened again at level nine.

As I walked to my house, I dug into my sling bag searching for my house keys. While trying to zip my bag after getting them, I accidentally dropped my keys. With a sigh, I bent down to pick them up. Then I saw two pairs of feet at the corner of my eye. I quickly stood up, ready to greet my neighbours when I saw the two men.

I was surprised to find both of them clad in black jeans, white T-shirts and black jackets with white linings. One of them was tampering with the lock on my neighbour’s door while the other was hurrying him.

“A burglar!” I thought as my heart palpitated with fear. I stood rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do. “What if they had seen me? What am I going to do when they turn around? Am I going to make a run for it?”

“Stop it!” I screamed at myself in my head. Finally, I regained my senses. By then, the burglars had successfully pried open the door.

I stepped back into the recess of the lift. I whipped out my handphone from my bag and called the police. I told the policeman about my whereabouts. After hanging up, I became bolder. I tiptoed a little to spy on the burglars. I saw the tall one rummaging through the drawers in the first bedroom. Drawers, empty jewellery boxes and some documents were strewn across the once tidy room of my neighbour’s. Knowing that the police would come soon, I searched for a good place to stake them out.

The wailing siren of the police car filled the air and it was getting nearer and nearer. Immediately, the burglars bolted out of the house at breakneck speed. They pounded at the lift button, as if their action would hasten the lift to the ninth floor. Finally, the lift arrived.The burglars rushed into the lift and bumped into the four policemen inside. I jumped out of my hiding place shouting hysterically.
Knowing that they had no place to run, the burglars threw in the towel and were arrested and taken away in a police car. One of the policemen praised me for my courage and public-spiritedness.

Finally, I went home happily for my very much deserved cool bath. When my parents came home, I related the incident to them and they heaped praises on me. I was over the moon when they took me to a big buffet at Sakura restaurant that night instead of eating at home. The next day, the incident was splashed in the newspaper headlines. My neighbours thanked me for my help. To prevent a burglary from happening again, my neighbor installed grills at their door and changed the lock.

- by Constance Goh
edited by MrDa13

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Good and appropriate phrases and a story that flows smoothly. An A-grade essay! Well done!

CW - The Beggar

1. You were waiting for the bus at the bus stop when a man approached you for some money. He was very dirty and his clothes were torn in some places. Everyone at the bus stop refused to give him any money.

Based on the above situation, write a composition of at least 150 words. In your story, make use of the points below.
- how the people reacted
- what you did
- what happened in the end
You may reorder the points. You may also include other relevant points.
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The sun's magnificent rays shone down as fluffy white clouds hung low in the azure blue sky. I was waiting at the bus stop for the bus to arrive. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man approaching the bus stop. He was clutching his stomach in pain. His hair was shaggy and his clothes were torn in some places. He asked the people at the bus stop for some money but they refused to give him any. Sadden, he walked feebly towards me and begged in a tired voice, "Please give me some money as I am hungry and want to buy some food to eat." When I heard it, I offered to buy him some food but he insisted that he wanted to buy it later on. So, I gave him four dollars and he went away.

Not long after, the bus came. I boarded it and went to Lot 1 to buy some groceries. A few hours later, I went to the food court for lunch. As I was walking there, I walked past a "4-D Toto" shop. Suddenly, I saw a familiar face queuing to buy "4D". He was well-dressed and in his hand was a thick wad of cash. I tried to recall where I had seen him before. Then, a thought struck me. He was the same man that had begged for money from me that morning!!! My face was flushed with rage as I walked up to confront him. "I thought that I had given you my money to buy food to eat! Why are you using it to gamble?" I yelled at him at the top my voice. All eyes were fixed on us. The man stared at me open-mouthed. When he recognized me, he felt embarrassed and quickly ran away. I immediately chased after him but lost sight of him soon.

As the saying goes, "Once bitten twice shy" I have always been extra careful whenever any beggar came to me and begged for money since.

- by Chew Zi Ling P5B 2007

edited by Mr Danny


::Mr Danny's comments::

Story has a good development and there's even an appropriate lesson to be learnt at the end of it. I like the twist in the story where the beggar exploited the writer's kindness for his own selfish greed.

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It was a lovely day. The blue sky was dotted with fluffy white clouds that drifted lazily in the gentle breeze. I was strolling to the bus stop. I had to do a research and proceeded to go to the library. Normally, I had to wait for twenty minutes so I took out a storybook to read. Suddenly, I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw a man. He was very dirty and his clothes were torn in some places. "Little girl, can you give my some money? I have not eaten for two days."

Everyone at the bus stop refused to give him any money. Instead, they shooed him away. I pitied him and gave him three dollars. "Thank you! Thank you!" He thanked me profusely. Everyone else at the bus stop saw this and had a guilty look on their faces, but they still did not give the man any money. Then, the man started to walk away. Five minutes later, the bus arrived. I boarded the bus. On board the bus, I kept thinking of the good deed I had done. Ten minutes later, I arrived at the library. I went into the library and started to do my research.

I was so engrossed in doing the research that I lost track of time. When I realised the time, I packed my things and went to the nearby coffee shop to buy dinner. At the coffee shop, I saw the man whom I gave money to. He was drinking two bottles of beer, a plate of chicken rice and had a drumstick in his hand. I thought "I only gave him three dollars. He could not possibly have bought so much food with three dollars!" I suddenly realised that he had tricked me into giving him some money! I shouted at him and he took to his heels and fled.

I chased after him. A few passers-by saw this and ran after him too. A few minutes later, we caught up with him. I demanded him to return the money I gave him. He took out the money and returned the money back to me. He begged me not to call the police and I agreed. Subsequently, I went home and told my parents about the incident. After that incident, I learnt not to trust strangers easily.

- by Ang Jia Xuan P5B 2007

edited by Mr Danny

::Mr Danny's comments::
A compact story that has appropriate pacing and development with a well-thought moral at the end.