I would like to showcase an exemplary e-mail on the recent situational writing that you did (e-mailing your cousin Jane about Homes Around the World exhibition) dated 4th Oct.
The situational writing is by Sirius. The good points about his writing are;-
- appropriate paragraphs (each paragraph has a certain point that is beind discussed)
- his writing doesn't sound 'forced' (most of you are virtually asnwering the key points that
needed to be covered and stringing them into paragraphs).
- There is a 'friendly and informal' feel to his e-mail, as if he is really wrting to his cousin Jane.
Simple things like writing a simple farewell to your 'cousin' eg "Hope to see you again" makes your writing feels more genuine.
- almost negligible grammatical errors.
The only thing that I hope Sirius can improve upon is his introductory paragraph. It makes me wonder why he never bothered to ask his 'cousin' about her health, etc and instead chose to jump into the objective of the e-mail.
The following is the writing by Sirius. Good job!
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Dear Jane,Yesterday, I attended an exhibition about homes around the world. It is about homes in other countries and how people live in them. It was presented by the Singapore Art Museum.
That day when I visited the art museum, I learnt that the Eskimo igloo has a skylight! I also found out that Indian tepees are cone-shaped tents covered with the hides of buffaloes!
The exhibition is held at the Singapore Art Museum, 71 Bras Basah Road, Singapore 189555. It starts from 10 June 2005 and ends on the 18 June 2005. There are no admission fees. Hope you will be there to attend the exhibition! Bye!
Best Regards
Sirius
Grade: 8/10
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